The Norman's Heart Page 21

  Sadly, if Reginald persisted in marrying Hilda, they would leave the castle, and if Roger continued to be angry about the marriage, who could say when she might see her half brother and his wife again? Once more she would be left completely alone and absolutely friendless.

  What did it matter? Being alone was better than depending upon someone else for your happiness. Being alone was better than being the brunt of a man’s unjustified anger. Being alone was... horrible.

  Mina sank down onto the stool, desolating loneliness filling her heart, made all the more terrible by her undeniable, undiminished, completely hopeless love for Roger.

  Her only consolation had come from talking to Albert. Although she kept her grief private, simply knowing that he had experienced similar emotions helped her. She persuaded him to talk of his Winifred, gently prodding him for details. She had begun her own secret search for Albert’s missing love and hoped he would provide some clue that she could use. She said nothing to him of her quest, though, in case it should prove fruitless.

  Fritha Kendrick had responded to her first letter, but her news had not been good. No one seemed to know where the merchant’s wife had gone, although one of the peddlers who came to Bridgeford Wells claimed to have seen the woman and her son in York some time ago. Fritha knew of a nobleman there who might be able to help, and had provided his name. That had led to another letter, another message of regret, another rumor, and another name, and more letters. Mina could only hope that eventually she would find out something tangible about the elusive Winifred. No wonder Albert had given up the search as hopeless.

  There was a sharp rap on the door. “Enter,” Mina said, expecting to see Hilda or Aldys arriving to tidy the bedchamber.

  Instead, Roger strode into the room, a piece of parchment in his hands. “A messenger arrived today. Dudley was going to bring this to you, but I told him I would,” he announced.

  “Thank you,” she said, reaching out to take the message from him, trying not to show any trepidation at his stern visage.

  “What is it?” he demanded.

  “A letter from Sir John Delapont, I believe.”

  “Why has he written you a letter?”

  “Is there something wrong with me receiving letters?” she asked, wondering about his manner. His voice was fierce and apparently angry, but his eyes... that was not the emotion in his eyes.

  He crossed the room and she noticed how stiff and tense he seemed. “I thought I could deal with this like an honorable man,” he said without looking at her. “I thought it didn’t matter to me what you did. That it could not touch me. Unfortunately for both of us, I find this is not so.” He whirled around to face her. “Is Sir John Delapont willing to receive you and Albert when you leave here?”

  She stared at him, dumbfounded. “What...what are you talking about?”

  “You are leaving.”

  She gasped at his words as she crumpled the parchment in her hand. “Are you going to send me away?” she whispered, sickened and hurt. “Do I displease you that much? Has it come to this?”

  “If you want to go, I won’t stop you.”

  “I am not planning on leaving this castle unless you cast me out,” she said, trying to sound firm and failing utterly.

  “I won’t be made a fool of in my own home. I won’t have everyone pointing at me, the cuckold, and snickering behind my back. If you go, at least most of the shame goes with you.”

  “Roger,” Mina cried, holding out her hands in a gesture of supplication, “I don’t know what you are talking about. Who thinks you are a cuckold?” Her eyes narrowed as the full import of his words hit home. “And why?”

  “I do, and don’t play the ignorant maid with me, Mina. I told you when I first met you that I didn’t like it.”

  He thought she was committing adultery! He thought she was betraying him! “With Albert!” she gasped, finishing her thought out loud. “You think I am dishonoring you with Albert?” She rose, marched toward him and jabbed her finger at his chest. “You mean to tell me you honestly believe me capable of such a betrayal, and Albert, too?”

  His accusation had obviously shocked her. It must not be true, he thought exultantly. She must be faithful to him! No one could be that good at feigning surprise or shocked dismay.

  Then came the torture of doubt, which he had lived with for days. Perhaps she was only astonished that he had discovered her duplicity. Perhaps she was amazed that he had guessed what the message from Sir John Delapont contained. “You deceived me before,” he noted flatly, crossing his arms as if to protect his already tortured heart.

  “How dare you!” Mina cried passionately, glaring at him, the knowledge that he could think her capable of such shameful behavior enraging her, bursting for once and all the carefully constructed wall around her heart, the wall that love had started to crumble. “How dare you accuse me of such a thing!” she cried. “How dare you accuse Albert, your most loyal friend! If there is shame here, it is with you for harboring such base thoughts—and for trying to seduce Lady Joselynd! You, with all your talk of loyalty and honesty! You base, dishonorable rogue!”

  “What has that vain coquette to do with this?” Roger responded fiercely. “Do you deny that you care for Albert?”

  “Care for him? No, I don’t deny it. Do you deny you tried to seduce Joselynd?”

  “If I did, it was a fleeting moment of foolishness!”

  “Foolishness? Is that what you call it?”

  “I did not betray my vows. Unlike you, I remembered my oath outside the chapel doors!”

  “After all your talk, I should hope so. Nor did I forget my vows,” she insisted. She took a deep breath and lowered her voice, then spoke deliberately. “I care for Albert as if he were the kind older brother I never had. I care for him as a friend. I care for him because...because you do.” She could not maintain the comfort of her passionate anger, not with him looking at her as if her sins had wounded him to the soul. “How can you think—”

  “I saw you with him in the garden,” Roger said, quieter now. “You kissed his hand.”

  “You spied on me?”

  “You are my wife. I saw you with him, whispering like lovers.”

  “Because I had not closed the gate. If I were having a secret meeting with my lover, don’t you think I would be more clever than that?”

  “Or maybe you were clever enough to leave the gate open, not suspecting that anyone would be walking by at that time.”

  She saw his struggle and knew that he wanted to believe her. He wanted to trust her, just as she trusted that his contempt for Joselynd had not been feigned, and that knowledge renewed her strength. “Listen to yourself, Roger,” she said staunchly. “Your suspicions are ridiculous.”

  “Then why were you alone with Albert?”

  “Because I wanted to talk to him about something.”

  “What needed such privacy, my lady?” Roger demanded, his voice stern but with a longing in his eyes that touched her soul.

  Now was the time, this the place. She would risk humiliation because she could no longer bear the uncertainty of their relationship, because she believed that he had not betrayed her, and most of all because of the yearning she had seen in his eyes. “I wanted to ask him how a person would know they were in love.”

  He blinked and actually reared back as if her words were a stunning blow.

  The die was cast, so she carried on. “I know you don’t believe there is such a thing as love, Roger,” she said, hoping that she was wrong and he did believe it. “I used to think so, too. After all, what evidence had I to the contrary?

  “I married you firmly convinced it would be enough if I could tolerate you. The main thing was, I would be Lady Mina de Montmorency. I would be respected. I would be worth something.

  “And then...” For the first time, her determination faltered. She looked at his face and saw, in his eyes, an eager hopefulness that removed the last lingering doubt that she should speak. “And then I disco
vered that I had married the one man in all the world who could inspire that wondrous feeling within me. Who respected me not because I was Lady Mina de Montmorency, but for myself alone. Who did not treat me like a child or a toy. Who taught me about passion. But I wasn’t sure what I felt was love, so I asked Albert for his help.”

  “You...you were not going to leave me?”

  “No, Roger, I was not going to leave you.”

  “Oh, God!” he moaned, his voice filled with conspicuous pain. He covered his face with his hands. “Forgive me, Mina. I was... I was so afraid...everyone I have ever cared about has been taken away from me. And this time, I knew I had no one to blame but myself. I..I pushed you away. I tried to believe I didn’t need you, or your love. But I was wrong. So very wrong!”

  She went to him, putting her arms around him and drawing him into her embrace, exultant at his revelation, touched by his vulnerability. “I was afraid, too, Roger. Afraid that I wasn’t the wife you wanted. Afraid that you hated me.”

  He took hold of her shoulders, his dark gaze searching her face. “I could never hate you, Mina. Even when I had convinced myself that you had broken our marriage vows and I tried to be angry, I felt only sorrow.”

  “You were going to let us go,” she said. “You could have had us imprisoned, but you were going to let us go.”

  “I could not bear the thought of punishing you for my mistakes.”

  “Because you love me?” she asked, a glorious smile lighting her beautiful face.

  “Because I love you,” he answered.

  “Roger, Roger, I love you, too. With all my heart.”

  “Mina!” He sighed. “Mina, my love!” He kissed her face, her eyes, her cheeks. “My dearest love,” he whispered.

  Mina started to weep, her shoulders shaking as she rested against his hard chest, although why she was shedding tears when she had never been happier made no sense.

  He held her thus for a very long, incredible moment as she struggled to come to terms with her riotous, delightful emotions and tremendous relief. The burden she had carried had been lifted.

  “I have to ask you,” Roger said at last. “Why were you writing to Sir John Delapont? I don’t even know him.”

  “I don’t, either.” Mina answered. She gave hun a brief squeeze and looked up into his eyes. “I’m trying to find Winifred.”

  “Albert’s Winifred?”

  “The very same.”

  Roger threw back his head and laughed, a deep, rich irresistible sound that echoed through the stone chamber. She joined him, finding a new release in their shared joy and a confirmation of their happiness. “Oh, God’s blood, Mina, I have been a fool. A blind, arrogant, stupid fool!” he said, holding her tightly. “I drove myself nearly mad with jealousy, and you were trying to reunite Albert with his Winifred.” He grew more serious. “Have you had any luck?”

  “Unfortunately, no. Not so far.” She pulled back and gave him a sidelong glance. “Why didn’t you ask me about my conversation with Albert in the garden?”

  “The great Sir Roger de Montmorency admit his wife might prefer another man?” He gave her a wryly skeptical look. “How can you even ask that?”

  “Just as the arrogant, self-assured wife of Sir Roger could not bring herself to admit her weakness, that she was in love with her husband and filled with jealousy.”

  “You hid it very well,” he noted.

  “I couldn’t be sure. She’s so beautiful—”

  “She is a silly, stupid, vain creature, and not nearly as beautiful as you.”

  “Now I know you must be in love,” she said with an indulgent smile, “to think I am more beautiful than Joselynd. The minstrels will hate us for starting a new fashion in noble marriages. Imagine—a husband and wife who are in love with each other. ”

  “Since we are, and now we know we are, I would like to start our married life anew,” Roger said softly, gently caressing her cheek. “With no more hidden fears or jealousies.”

  “Yes, I quite agree, my love.” She took his hand in hers. With a sultry smile, she pressed a kiss to his palm, then slid her mouth down to his wrist and back again to kiss each fingertip.

  “God’s wounds,” Roger muttered breathlessly when she took his other hand and proceeded to kiss it in a similarly provocative manner.

  “I did not kiss Albert like that, did I?” she charged seductively, quite unabashedly filled with desire and happiness.

  “Thank God, no, or he might have done what I am about to do, loyal or not,” Roger said, picking her up and carrying her to their bed.

  A short while later, Hilda, accompanied by Aldys, knocked tentatively on the closed bedchamber door. “My lady?” she called out softly.

  When she didn’t get an immediate response, she looked worriedly at Aldys. “I wonder what she’s doing in her bedchamber in the middle of the morning?”

  “Do you think she’s sick?” Aldys asked.

  Hilda knocked harder. “My lady!”

  “What is it?” Mina answered, her voice strangely muffled.

  The two maidservants glanced at each other. “She doesn’t sound quite right, does she?” Aldys whispered.

  “We’ve come to tidy your chamber,” Hilda said loudly.

  “Come back later!” another voice bellowed.

  This time, the maidservants stared at each other with wide eyes. There could be no mistaking that deep, stern voice. Hilda started to giggle, then so did Aldys.

  “Go away!” Sir Roger roared.

  The two women scurried to the stairs. “Wait until Reginald hears about this,” Hilda whispered gleefully. “He’s been worried sick!”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Over a month later, Roger raised himself on his elbow and gazed lovingly at his naked, sleeping wife. How could he ever have considered her unattractive? he thought, bending down to kiss her silky earlobe. She was vibrant with life, with her incredible eyes, blue or green or gray—whatever color they assumed at the moment. How glorious it was to see them mirror back love and happiness! He was indeed the most fortunate of men, with a wonderful wife who had made his castle a home rather than a mere fortress, and who had told him such marvelous news last night. He was going to be a father.

  “Roger?” Mina asked sleepily, rolling onto her back. She smiled at him and drew the coverings modestly higher.

  With a lascivious leer, he pulled them lower to expose her satiny skin. “You were expecting someone else?” he asked playfully.

  “Roger!” she chided with what was meant to be a frown of displeasure. “I don’t find such remarks in good taste, considering.”

  “I’m too happy to care about any taste but this,” he said, bending down to kiss her mouth, delighting as always in her immediately passionate response.

  “You’re a shameless wench,” he said a moment later, reluctantly breaking the kiss. “In your condition, too.”

  “My condition is all your fault,” she observed gravely, her eyes dancing with laughter. “Our child is going to be the most stubborn one ever born, I’m sure.”

  “Then he will need a firm hand, and I’m sure you are just the mother to provide it.”

  Her brow furrowed slightly. “I would never strike a child, Roger.”

  He smiled warmly and touched her cheek. “I know. That isn’t what I meant. Heaven forbid he should ever try to persuade you to change your mind, though.”

  “Or you.” She snuggled up against him. “Perhaps it will be a girl.”

  “Then God help the poor man she decides to marry, if she has her mother’s strength of will.”

  “It is a great pity Albert has no sons,” she remarked.

  “Or if he didn’t still love Winifred. He is not that old a man.”

  Mina gave her husband a skeptical look. “That is your male vanity speaking, Roger. A girl wants a young man. And Albert’s heart is already spoken for.”

  “Have you had any more luck with your search?”

  Mina sighed and shook her head. “
No, not since that other wool merchant said he had seen Winifred and her son last year.”

  “Let us not lose hope,” Roger replied. “After all, I myself never believed there was such a thing as love until you came into my life, so miracles can happen.”

  “Yes, they can,” Mina said slowly, pushing her more than willing body against his naked flesh.

  “Mina, you are insatiable.”

  “We wasted too many nights, Roger.”

  “Although I agree,” he said, giving her a swift caress, “I have men to train. I’ve been rather negligent lately.” He reluctantly climbed out of bed and went to the chest.

  “There is also a harvest to oversee.” She sighed luxuriantly and snuggled down under the covers.

  “Don’t you have duties to attend to, wife?” he remarked, pulling on his chausses.

  “Dudley has things well in hand, I’m sure.”

  Roger got a roguish gleam in his eye that Mina was coming to know well. Suddenly he dashed toward the bed and jumped in beside her. “To the devil with my duties. Albert can train the men this morning.”

  Mina’s only answer was a sultry laugh.

  Several minutes later, Roger rolled over and wiped his sweaty brow. “God’s wounds, you are the most incredible lover, Mina!”

  “Better than your others?”

  “What, jealous?” he said, smiling at her. “You shouldn’t be. I never truly loved any of them.”

  “Good. Now hadn’t you better go help Albert or Dudley, or see what Lud has arranged for the hay meadows?”

  “You are right as always, my darling.” He lifted his hips and slid his chausses back into place with a sigh. “God’s wounds, I’m exhausted already.”

  “You’ll recover,” Mina said without any trace of sympathy.

  “I wish I could lie abed all day,” he said, giving her a pointed look.